Christmas Time- Warrior Time

Oh Christmas time is here!  Today I had a joyful morning with the grand kids making Christmas cookies, coo coos as CeCe calls them.  My house was filled with children's voices, flour everywhere and more sugar crystals and icing than any child should eat in one day! Made them sound like little warriors!

 Ah, the ciaos that is my family. My health care worker came by in the middle of it all to check my picc line and take my vitals.  I am sure she was expecting a raised blood pressure with all the noise & laughter of the kids, but it was actually down- " so this must agree with you", she says.  Well that is an understatement!  "Yes", I said. " I refuse to let cancer stop me from having a good time with my grand babies."  This year my Christmas time is also a Warrior time.

You see Jesus is described as a "Mighty Warrior".  And we are all called to be like Him.  In fact in John 14 Jesus is quoted "whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do"  So if Jesus is a warrior I will be a warrior too, and not just in my Christmas shopping bargain hunting.  There is a store closing in my neighborhood and I got the best deals! Shorts $5, bathing suit $6.... but I digress. 

Not only is it good news that we can be a warrior like Jesus, but in Isaiah we are told that the Lord will renew our strength!

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

That's great news isn't it! We place our faith in him and He is working for us.  Working in our health, our finances, relationships, renewing our strength to get through it all.  I know it's hard to give it all over and trust, to "feel" Him renewing our strength, I need to remind myself daily, through prayer, and reading God's word.
Don't give up! Be a Warrior!

There Is No Place Like Home

Oh how good it feels to be home.  After 4 days of treatments, a total of 8, and 24 hours of being "watched".  I came home for Christmas.  Daily, sometimes it feels hourly, I get stronger.  In the first few days I could only eat very small meals, but now I'm ravenous!  Good or bad that's the way it is, maybe I'm just healing and not gaining weight. Ha wouldn't that be nice!

There are several lessons I have learned though this cancer ordeal so far, I know there will be more to come. 
One is that I am loved.  Loved by God, my friends, husband, children & my parents.
Two is I still hate needles.  Yup, that's all there is to that.
Three is only God will get you though a tough season.  He is my strength and my shelter.  The one I cry out too in frustration and in pain. The one I will praise with all my might.
Four is But for God..... But for God and through God I can do anything. 

Look I know there are people that are in a much worse place than me.  People that have lost children, spouses, parents. Maybe they have lost their homes, physical or mental abilities, or jobs.  However the lessons I am learning can be applied to any of these circumstances too.  Well maybe not the needle thing, but you know what I mean, He is with you through that too. 

But God, how many times is that phrase in the Bible?  The King James records it 43 times, here are a few-But God led, But God came,  But God shall, But God prepared, But God was with...,  and my favorite,  But God is faithful.  Through all the difficult seasons of our lives the one verse that I choose to remember is this:

 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us... Eph 2:4

So what ever you are going through remember "But God" loves you, is with you, is for you and is faithful to you.

Didn't God Hear Me?

So here we go... I say let the healing begin!  Today I head to Moffitt Cancer Center to begin the Interleukin 2  treatments.  The lymph node in my lung grew 2mm, not much but enough that the doctor wants to continue moving forward.  The good news is unlike the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, I do have a brain!  The MRI showed no signs of lesions, tumors or bleeding.....basically no cancer. Good news there I'd say!

I admit that with all the prayers that I have said and all the prayers that have been prayed for me and over me for healing, I am a bit disappointed that I have to go through the treatments.  No one wants to go through this, you  know?  It would be so easy to ask "Why didn't God answer my prayers? " , "Doesn't God hear my Prayers?"  or even "What's the use of even praying?"  Doesn't the bible tell us in Psalms 103:3  "The LORD forgives our sins, heals us when we are sick"? 

The first thing to remember is that God loves us.

  God's love for us is wonderful; his faithfulness never ends. Shout praises to the LORD!  Psalms 117:2

Just as a parent loves their child, God loves us.  Not everything a child wants is good for them; or perhaps the timing isn't right.  I mean my 1 year old granddaughter can take a selfie. She is so cute as

One of 30 selfies on my phone.
 

she holds the phone up in the air and says "cheese" then repeated presses on the screen taking 15 pictures, but we aren't buying her an iPhone 6 anytime soon.    This is the way we have to trust God, sometime the answer is "Yes", sometimes "No"  and sometimes it is "Wait"

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. Hebrews 10:36

And so I wait, God has not said "No" to me yet.  His timing is perfect and I fully trust the Lord  knows the perfect time to liberate me from this cancer season in my life. 

Thank You

Thanksgiving has come and gone.  Though it wasn't a typical Thanksgiving celebration like years in the past; my lovely daughter in law was hosting the day and came down with the flu early that morning.  So, being as this nasty bug had been floating around here lately I opted to stay home.  That didn't stop me from being grateful and thankful for all things I had been given.
Grateful & thankful for things like- friends and family that have helped me through the last weeks, with cleaning, food and sweet surprises. For grandchildren's hugs, kisses and smiles. For my Children's willingness to come help in the middle of the night, take me places anytime I ask and help prepare meals in advance.  Oh, and their hugs, kisses and smiles too.  My hard working husband, that despite his concerns about me continues to press on to work everyday and then help around the house in the evening.  The elves that showed up to decorate my house for Christmas, (they promise to un-decorate too).  I'm thankful for everyone that has said they were praying for me. This has done more for me than you can ever know.
A friend gave me a beautifully girlie perpetual calendar. One of the inspirational thoughts in November was:

"She thought about everything  

she wanted to say to God and it all started with 

"Thank You". "

How lovely is that?!    Yes everything I want to say to God begins with "Thank You". And a big "Thank You" to you all too, you are truly a blessing in my life.

Love Sherry.

Fear

We all know the definition of 'fear' so I don't mean to insult your intelligence, but I wanted to take a  look at the word. I seem to be a bit obsessed with the meaning of "Fear" given I am to begin cancer treatments soon.   The dictionary I used gave the following definition:
1. ‌
‌  a. ‌ A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
‌  b. ‌ A state or condition marked by this feeling.‌
‌2. ‌ A feeling of disquiet or apprehension
‌3. ‌ Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
‌4. ‌ A reason for dread or apprehension

The definitions 1, 2 and 4 make me think of the type of fear I am currently dealing with in this field trip "Cancer".  The one thing that I tell myself every day is that God works all things for my good. 

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,

for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

 

Notice the verse says ALL things, not some things, not just the good things that may be obvious to us, but all things good & bad!  Sort of hard to wrap your mind around isn't it.  If you were to list out your current fears it would show you the places in your heart that you need to develop more trust in God.  Start by choosing definition 3, fear being a reverence and awe of God.   I read somewhere recently that "Fear is a down payment on a

circumstance that may never happen."  I'm not sure who said that, but it makes good sense to me. 

 

There is no scary circumstance that God cannot make some good out of, keep your eyes & ears open and you will discover the good that can come from anything if you give all your fears over to Him. 

 

Prayer today-

God I give you my fears; my fear of needles, my fear of cancer, the fear of my altered life.  Take them and show me the great things you can make of them. I know there will be great testimonies coming, great opportunities to share your love, mercy and grace with others and I look forward to seeing it all. In Jesus name, Amen.





The Treatment Plan

Seems everyday I have a new learning experience.  This latest field trip called "Cancer"  has been a real education.  It is simply amazing how our bodies work.  Each part working with the others to keep us functioning. Then the wonders of how God knew to make 2 kidneys and 1 liver.  How would God know or why would God do that?  I am also amazed how much doctors have learned about cancer since the 1980s and yet how much is still unknown. 
The source of my cancer having been removed, the right kidney, it is possible the tumors in my lungs and the lymph node there may begin to shrink, but not likely.  So my oncologist and I discussed a treatment plan to take care of the renal cell cancer (RCC) that had metastasized (traveled to) my lungs and lymph node within my lung.  We reviewed several options and I decided on the High Dose Interleukin 2 (HDIL2) though the research shows only a 12% cure rate, it does have the highest success with the RCC clear cell cancers.  Other options where more on going and I preferred to have it done and over with as soon as possible.  If this doesn't show promise after my month out scan, we will look at other options.
Before I begin treatments  will have another MRI of my brain; the only place we haven't looked at is the brain and the bones. We may as well see what is going on up there- I wasn't born blond, but I do have plenty of blond moments!    Then another CT scan of my abdominal & chest areas to see if there are any changes in the tumor sizes- praying for shrinkage.....

Should there not be any changes in the tumors we will begin treatment.   It is my understanding the IL2 is a protein that our bodies make, this high dose sort of kick starts the immune system to begin fighting the offending cancer cells in the body. So it is not a Chemo treatment, but rather a protein. It is given through a PICC line every 8 hours for 5 days in the hospital. Each treatment requires about 15 minutes.  Then I will be home for 15 days, return to the hospital for another 5 day round and home again.  Four weeks later I have another scan, if we see progress we start another round of treatments, no progress, we look for other options.

Let me go back, a what line? A PICC line, a tube inserted into my arm and THREADED through my artery to my heart. My response "You're gonna what?!" "Are you going to put me out?"  "No, wha...Valium,  Can I take five?"  Yes, I hate needles, always have!  This would be what kept me from getting tattoos in my younger days.

This will be a long  road, but one that many have traveled before me some with great success. I choose to believe I will be one of those success stories.  God has brought me through so far and I will praise His name with every breath I take, with every decision that is made I trust Him to be guiding me through. 

 

I love you, God—

you make me strong.

God is bedrock under my feet,

the castle in which I live,

my rescuing knight.

My God—the high crag

where I run for dear life,

hiding behind the boulders,

safe in the granite hideout.
Psalm 18:1-2 MSG

But Wait- There Are Sick People in There!

Last blog I started out with what a difference a day makes, but wow, what a difference a few hours can make- good or bad.  On Monday I hadn't felt very good all day so I mostly rested.  By 10:30 that evening I was vomiting and I mean in a bad way.  After each episode  I would take a sip of water and think, "Ok, that is it, now I can sleep",   But with just that tiny sip of water on my stomach I was up again hugging my abdomen like I would split apart if I didn't hold it together.  By 1:30am I realized I needed some help and woke my husband Steve.  From there it was all down hill. By now I was not only throwing up but crying. So many emotions- Steve had to work in the morning, my 81 year old Mother in Law, who is in from Michigan to help with things, is now up.  I didn't know if we should go to a local hospital or to Tampa's Moffitt where I had the surgery, should I call my Doctor? So confused I threw up once more and ask Steve to call my son to start a prayer chain, " But it's 2:00 in the morning." he said.  "I don't care I need prayer!" I said.  Then I got up off the bathroom floor;  unable to support myself any longer, and in a cold sweat,  I landed at the foot of my bed. My Mother in law is there to support me, rubbing my back, using a cool cloth on my forehead and providing me ice chips.  The next thing I know my son & Steve are helping me to the car and we are headed to the closest hospital.  My surgeon's associate calls to assure us we are doing the right thing and after an assessment is made of my health he asked that Steve call him back to discuss our next move.

The last place I wanted to be was the hospital.  What if there was something wrong and I needed more surgery....what if.... well there are sick people in there!
But the hospital was the place I needed to go.  We arrived at the hospital and check in at 3:30am, and wait, and wait finally they call me back to triage only to get my info and send me back to the waiting area.  What?!  All I could do is sit and cry to Jesus for help.  And why Jesus, "why won't they help me?" At 5:30am I'm called back again,  they wanted blood work and an IV, yes I am going to get help I thought.  Fluids, that is all I need.  Four tubes of blood taken and the tech can't flush the IV so I can have fluids through that IV,  so he decides to try a vein in my hand- below the original site- now I am no medical person, I hate this stuff, but tying off just above the original site so soon seems to me to be a given no go to me.  The vein in the original site blew as did the one he was trying to use in the back of my hand.  So back to the waiting are I went, by 6:50 I was in a room. My surgeon form Tampa calls Steve- "Hey what is going on, I thought you were calling me back?" Well, Steve says we haven't spoke to anyone yet.
 At about 7:40 the DR comes in, and checks my incision and asks for x-ray, IV of fluid, nausea med and pain med.  20 minutes later I have an IV, only, yes just the IV.  Eight- thirty I had x-rays and by 9:30 I still do not have any fluid, nausea or pain meds..  The nurse finally arrives with it all and I am at ease.  Ten minutes later the Doctor comes in and there is no blockage on the x-ray, nothing I did was the  cause the vomiting and dehydration, no explanation just something that happens with major surgery sometimes. When the bag of fluid is gone he said I could go home.  By 10:15 I had requested to be released the IV be taken out, we are gone by 11:00am. 
Is this normal? Seven and a half hours?  I don't know, but I can also tell you; that not one of the those 7 people that touched me washed their hands or used hand sanitizer.  Actually there was one nurse while in my room for the 3rd time did use the hand sanitizer.  I remember this because when she pulled the nozzle to release the foam it squirted all the way back to my bed.  They did all use gloves, but that doesn't say much as far as I am concerned.  Remember I was at Moffitt for a week where they told me to watch for these things and not to let anyone touch you that has not gone through the hand sanitizing procedures.  So Why did I not speak up?  Intimidation? Perhaps but mostly I was sick!  People that are sick don't think clearly.  They are at the mercies of those that are called to the medical field to save and help others. 
The bottom line I suppose is this; we are responsible for ourselves.  If you are with a loved one in a similar scenario, be aware, be fully present and watch out for them.  If you don't understand -ask questions on their behalf.  Pray! Pray with them, for them and ask others to pray too.  It wasn't until I began to cry out to Jesus that the vomiting ceased, and a little sleep came, through that I began to feel better. My hope is in the Lord not other people. Jesus is our great healer, our peace in the storm, and our rock.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will take up wings like eagles. They will run and not struggle. They will walk and not tire. Isaiah 40:31 

A friend sent that verse to me today, I must say I am ready to have renewed strength, to run with out a struggle and walk with tiring... My hope is in the Lord.  Amen.