Doctor Day - Scan Day

When I was say in my 30's my husband and I found it amusing when the man down the street couldn't participant in anything on Wednesdays because it was "Doctor Day" .  I mean how long does it take?! 
Well I get that now that I have cancer.  My trips to Moffitt Cancer Center (an hour away) are that way.  Take yesterday, I had appointments at Moffitt, arrive to have an IV started then drink the nasty cocktail needed for the CT scan, which takes 90 minutes to complete for a 10 minute scan.  Then to the blood draw area so they can take multiple tubes for testing.   Then go to see the Doctor.  Sounds simple right?  Well add in rain, which makes everyone late,( Fresh Florida transplant people can't drive when it rains) so that in turn makes my scan delayed by 30 minutes. But I still get to my 2pm blood draw on time - amazing!  Only to discover that 2 of the thyroid tests that I wanted ordered were not on the list, they have to call the doctor, which by the way is right next door in the same building, this creates another delay, but again I am at my appointment with the doctor on time at 2:45.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.... he finally comes in and takes just as much time with me as he had taken with the people before me.  Answers all my questions, goes over my scans carefully with me. 

Well it wasn't the news I wanted to hear No Evidence of Disease, but it wasn't all bad.  Some of the metastasis had shrunk, stabilized or disappeared, however there was one new growth.  Insert big sigh here... My options are explained, continue with the current treatment, try a new medicine, or do nothing.  While continue with the same treatment was offered, my doctor felt I had used as much of the High Dose Interleukin 2 that my body could take.  Down to 2 options.  I chose Sutent, the medicine.  I start that this week.   And to top that off, the thyroid is pretty much dead now I now will begin new doses of medicine for that.

The option of "doing nothing" felt, well, like doing nothing.  I wasn't ready for that yet....at least I don't think so.  On the other hand taking strong drugs make me crazy, like I really don't want to take anything - ever. 
It wasn't an easy decision, and I second guess my self still today. 

Well all said & done at Moffitt, I was starving since I last ate breakfast at 7:30am, we stopped for dinner at Applebee's  and made it home at 8:30pm what a day!
Doctor day indeed.

The Winds Of Change

 

There was a time in my life I actually thought I was getting it together.  I had fought off many of the demons of my past life, and with the help of some counseling I had managed to make through depression.  Feeling healthy and well for the first time in quite a while I began writing again. 

My long term goal of helping others make it through their difficult times in life through sharing my own trials was actually in my sights once more.  I began to blog to share my thoughts on making it through depression, fear, faith and forgiveness. Readers had were

writing comments letting me know I was helping them understand their loved ones through my posts.  I was sure I was in my sweet spot, and that felt so good, I was actually helping others.  The light was green and I wanted to speed out into the open seas of life documenting everything that came my way.

But as so often happens, plans get changed.  My doctor called to give me the news that I had cancer, and in that moment the light went out. There was no signal for direction, be it out to sea or back to shore. One thing I did know was that I had a new battle to win.  I was diverted from my passion for a short time, but I now have documented my surgery and treatments along with the highs and the lows of this new normal for me.  This crazy cancer tried to cast me out into a rough sea, but I have seen the tides change and now the winds of life are blowing me back to shore, I see the comforting signal, red right return….. I’m home again.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 ESV    

Belated Easter Thoughts

I know I'm a little late on this blog post, but I just want to share with you these thoughts.  They came to me late on Saturday night as I was excited about Easter Sunday. 

In my mind I keep calling Easter Sunday "Thanksgiving".  You know how you do, Tomorrow my kids are coming over for "Thanksgiving" after church, when in fact what I meant was Easter Sunday. So I begin thinking about that, for me it did feel more like a Thanksgiving.  What God gave us, what Jesus did for us, it is overwhelming to think about loving so much.  We all say things like I would die for : fill in the blank, but would you really?  Could you willingly give your child to save others?  I am positive I could not in free will give my child, I do believe with all my heart I would give my life for my children. 
 We were already chosen to be God’s own children by Christ. This was done just like the plan He had.  We who were the first to put our trust in Christ should thank Him for His greatness.
Ephesians 1:11-12
And what does God ask from us in return?  Praise Him, thank Him.  It's that simple.  I don't just mean in church, though we are told to worship with others at church and sing songs of praise.
 Tell of your joy to each other by singing the Songs of David and church songs. Sing in your heart to the Lord. Ephesians 5:19
There is so much more to praising God.  It's our daily actions, how we love & treat others that allows Gods love to shine through us.  What would our lives be like if we really took to heart what praising God was meant to look like? 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these. Mark 12:30-32

Seems like such a small insufficient thing to do compared to a life. 

Prayer: Thank you God for loving me so much as to give your son for my sins and the sins of this world.  Thank you for paying a debt I know I could never repay.   I love you Lord and will sing your praises and do my very best to let your love show through me everyday, for as long as I am here on this earth and look forward to singing your praises in heaven one day. Amen....