Why Am I here? Finding your Purpose Part 2

So yesterday I gave you the 5 nesting bowls to think about.  Today I want you to ask yourself some questions.

1. When was I over the moon happy?  What were the circumstances?
2. How do you see yourself?
3. What do you value?
4. What are you passionate about?
5. What do you see as your strengths?

Next ask 5 or 6 people that know you well to answer questions 2-5 about you. Honesty is key in this exercise, be honest with yourself, but also remember this is not a fault finding trip.  What may seem a weakness to you maybe a strength to God and others!

Don’t live the way this world lives.
Let your way of thinking be completely changed.
Then you will be able to test what God wants for you.
And you will agree that what he wants is right.
His plan is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

When you receive the answers from your friends and family, circle or highlight common words within the pages. Breathe in the love that they are sending to you, feel the lift in your spirit and know that you are made for a purpose.  God has made you into His perfect image to use for His good and others have seen and felt this emit from you.

From all the messages you have received and the words you came up with yourself, you should be able to come up with a vision statement, your Big picture passion of what you would like to see in this world.
Bring that down to what you think God has called you to do in the big picture, where does your personal passion/calling  fit into the vision statement.  This will become your,  "I exist to" or your purpose statement.

Then the mission statement, what tools you will use to accomplish the purpose. And finally the goal statement, the smaller steps to accomplish your mission.


If you are feeling stuck in your life, I may be able to help!  I am now accepting new clients; contact  Field Trips in Life Coaching through this blog page! 

Why Am I Here? Finding Your Purpose

Have ever asked yourself any of the following questions? Why am I here?  What is it that God wants me to do?  What is my purpose in life?
If you have been around the business world, you may have heard them speak of their "Mission Statement".  Have you ever thought that it might be useful to have one of your own?  It is an amazing self-discovery journey that can set you on a path of purpose, wade through some of the questions floating in your head about why you are here on this earth.  While some will tell you to create goals for your life and I agree, we all need to know for what purpose and vision we are setting these goals, in other words, "What am I trying to accomplish?".  You may be confused on how to work this all out, I was, well here is the simplest explanation I have heard.  The visualization makes it so much easier for me comprehend.

Let's imagine a set of nesting bowls nesting one inside the other, this is what they will represent:

Mission is the way to leverage your purpose
in order to accomplish your vision

1. God- The largest outside bowl is God holding everything together.

2. Vision - What you see, the legacy you would like to leave, the big picture.

3. Purpose- What you are passionate about or what you feel is the Calling God has given you.

4. Mission- The ways you will choose to fore fill the purpose

5. Goals- The small steps that you will take to fore fill the mission.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Tomorrow we will talk about questions to ask yourself, so come on back!

If you are feeling stuck in your life, I may be able to help!  I am now accepting new clients; contact  Field Trips in Life Coaching through this blog page! 

Did God Know that?

If you are like me you may have wondered  "Why is God asking me to do this? Doesn't he realize that I am not qualified to do that?"
Well, let me ask you- "Has it ever occurred to you that that never occurred to God?"

Moses answered God, “But why me? What makes you think that I could ever go to Pharaoh and lead the children of Israel out of Egypt?” Exodus 3:11

Moses didn't feel qualified either. Moses was no public speaker; he stuttered, he had killed a man and now God wanted him to be a leader to the children of Israel, taking them to freedom. In verse 12 God says that He will be with Moses and he will be with you too.

Go not because of who you are, but because of who He is! Walk On Child of God, Walk On!

Who Is Whispering In Your Ear?

 I hate to admit this, but I let the evil one get on my shoulder and whisper in my ear.  That's right, in the fight against Satan in this area I failed horribly this week.   I have been honest about this before in this blog, and it continues to be one of the things I struggle with at times.   

What is it that takes us (me) to that point?  It could be any number of circumstances that bring us to listening intently to those whisperings.  Satan likes to use people to chain you to your past, or  he will use the world so you can see how you are sizing up against others. No matter what he uses, it is likely to evoke fear, grudges, hate or jealousy, it is important to remember these are not new to God.

Fear
 In Numbers 13 we see twelve men that were sent to explore Canaan by Moses.  They return to Moses and report that it IS the land of milk & honey that God promised. But.  There is always a but  where fear is concerned is there? "But, the people that live there are strong and the cities are fortified and large."Numbers 13:28.  Fear had caused them to listen to the whispers.  


Grudge/Hate
I think I could add "jealousy" to this category too.  Genesis 27 explains the hate or grudge (jealousy)that Esau had for Jacob.  Esau so disliked his twin brother that he stole his birthright through a trickery encouraged by his mother.  Wow!  That would be two people listening to the whisperings.
Another example of jealousy is in Genesis 29 were two sisters Leah and Rachel, jealousy over love divided them.  Fear, grudge/hate and jealousy,  tricks satan has been using on humans for years before we came into this world.

There is good news!  God whispers to us promises to fight the battle. This is a good verse to remember as a tool and promise in the fight!

"But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm." Proverbs 1:33. 

God whispers to our Spirit words to guard our heart against Satan. If the whispers are from God they will contain the fruits of the Spirit.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23

God wants to use our hurts for his glory!  He whispers words of comfort and encouragement. The Message says it best for me, keep these verses close to be encouraged and remember to comfort others-

3-5 All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.6-7 When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you’re just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you’re going to make it, no doubt about it. 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Learning to Live in Balance

We live in a world of instant gratification. Press a button and the TV comes on. With our smart phones we are never far away from anything we want or need to know.  Yet so many people are more dissatisfied, discouraged and distraught than ever before. Why?

Gandhi is quoted as saying "There is more to life than increasing speed." Is it possible that we have been increasing our speed, allowing us to cram so much more into a day that our mind and body just get caught up in the keep up mode?  Have we become stuck in this rotation of life, the rush that happens from pre-sunrise to well past sun set?  Have we fooled ourselves into thinking that this is what life is all about?

Psalm 127:2  It is useless to work so hard for a living, getting up early and going to bed late. For the Lord provides for those he loves, while they are asleep.

I know we all have to work, in fact there is a verse in Proverbs that speaks of idle hands being the work of evil. But the Lord doesn't want us to be so unbalanced that we do not enjoy life, that we have no time to spend with Him and the ones we love.  Balance in life may seem like an elusive thing to us, but it can be attained. However there is no magic formula that you can follow, I can't spell out how to do that for you. Everyone is different with different values.  The first thing to visualize is what balance looks like to you.  Clarify your vision for a balanced life by starting with the things in your life that you truly value and everything that arises from them. Discard the not so important things or things that hinder you reaching your goals.  Remember that what may seem as balanced to you now may not be the same in a new season of your life, so evaluate in each new season.

Proverbs 11:1 A false balance and unrighteous dealings are extremely offensive and shamefully sinful to the Lord, but a just weight is His delight.

Jesus was an expert at balancing life; in the middle of  doing miracles and preaching, he stops to take a rest though there was much work to be done. Following his example for rest should help us in creating a balanced life for ourselves.

Mark 6:31 There were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his disciples didn't even have time to eat. So he said to them, “Let us go off by ourselves to some place where we will be alone and you can rest a while.” 

So if you find yourself in a place like I have been and feel like you're stuck in life's rotation, the spinning wheel that you can't seem to get off of, it may be time to rethink what is valued most in your life; schedule some time for you in the day. Pray, trust God to help you find that balance that you long for.  Because life is for living joyfully.

God Is Still Doing Miracles

I know at times it is difficult to trust God is working when you cannot see tangible evidence right before your eyes or right when you want it.  It was that way with my cancer treatments until last week.
On Thursday I had a CT scan to see how the latest treatment Sutent was working.  In the last CT scan 3 months ago (prior to Sutent) I had 1 new growth and very little if any change in the existing spots in my lungs and there had never been a change in my lymph nods.  The new report was very exciting at first, shrinking the lymph nods and no mention of any spots on my lungs at all.  However there was one place noted by the Doctor that read the scan on my T12 vertebra.  The oncologist & his assistant noted the area and explained that the only reason for this spot could be a tumor.  They scheduled a MRI for Monday.
Over the weekend I was a little more restless than normal, but I prayed night & day that God would take care of this new tumor and I praised Him for all the great news I had received , giving God all the glory for the work He was doing in my body and in my life.

Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (NIV)

On Monday I was getting my MRI, and in the tube I had a thought "It's gone, they will not find anything."  While I trust God with every fiber of my being; I do not trust my self.  So I  began questing the thought, was I hearing it because it was from God, or just something I wanted to hear?
It is not unusual to question at times like this, especially when it is something you want so desperately.  So I kept the information to my self and went to see my oncologist.  But the news I was given there confirmed what God had given me- there was no tumor!

God is still healing, God is still doing miracles.  Seek Him with all your heart and you will find Him, you may not get the answer I did, but Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has plans for all of us.  Perhaps his plan is for you to wait or the answer may be no. But the answer could be yes, the time is now.  So never give up, keep running the race,
God has great plans for you too!

So How Are You Doing?

Seems wherever I go lately everyone I meet asks "How are you doing?"  or "How are you feeling?" my constant reply is "Oh I'm fine."  with an up beat smile.  And really I am!  It may seem strange to some, but I actually thank God for the place I am in my life right now.  No I'm not glad I have cancer, no I don't like the treatments, no I don't the side effects of the chemo, and blood work- I HATE needles! 
But I love how close I have grown to God.  I love the trust I have in Him. The calmness and peaceful feelings He infuses in me. I love the closeness I feel with my family and friends.  Their love and caring for me just overwhelms me and lifts me into whole different level of love and respect.

I am drawn to learn more about God so I can help others develop their relationship with God. I am drawn to developing my skills to raise awareness to human trafficking in our area.  I just want to help others.

Yes, I have cancer.  But I refuse to let Satan keep me from the joys in my life.  I may walk a little slower, sleep a little more and not always feel like doing something outside the house.  But on my good days watch out because you will not keep me down.  That's right on the good days I want Satan to say "Oh crap, She's at it again!"

"And He said to them, "I was watching Satan fall from heaven like lightning."  Luke 10:18

Cancer update

I realized today that it has been a while since I updated on my cancer journey.  So here is the latest-

My last scan was  in April and showed a basic stabilization of all metastases, but there was one new growth in my lung.  My doctor was of the opinion that my body could not take anymore treatments of the  High Dose Interleukin 2 .  So the next option was a chemo pill.  Now I take Sutent once a day for 2 weeks off a week until August when I will have another scan.
Not without it's issues; fatigue, sore mouth, aching muscles & joints just to mention a few; at least with Sutent I am home unlike the HDIL2 where I was in the hospital for days at a time.  Sutent is a target therapy, each type of targeted therapy works a little bit differently but all interfere with the ability of the cancer cell to grow, divide, repair and/or communicate with other cells.  This treatment apparently has had great effect after the HD IL2 that I was taking, so I am very optimistic. 

Truly, I am optimistic.  I have from the beginning been so trusting that God has this under control.  I wear a bracelet daily that says "Fearless" to remind me that with God at my side I have nothing to fear. And just recently Mia Fieldes released her EP Ashes that has a beautiful song on it called .... you guessed it, Fearless.   Now not only the word and bracelet are my banner, but I have a song to walk with too, click here to listen to my new favorite song, Fearless By Mia Fieldes

Stay strong no matter your storm, we are Fearless in His presence, He is all around us.  I know at my weakness, He is strongest, because He surrounds me...Oh that song has so much meaning to me these days, I hope you are blessed by it too.  If you are head over to purchase Mia's EP Ashes on iTunes

Josh Duggar- Why is this news?

We all make mistakes in our youth.  Some worse than others, some fall into the drug scene, steal a magazine,  lie to their parents about where they have been, cheat on a test, or even worse  hurt another person. We all have choices to make at that point, will we continue the bad behavior or learn the valuable lesson and become a better person as we mature.  

I like to believe that more people will learn from the mistakes, especially those that have a supportive family base.  Take Josh Duggar now 27 and a respected family man. He is in the news for a huge hurtful mistake he made at 12 years ago.  Josh says that he “acted inexcusably” and was “deeply sorry” for what he called “my wrongdoing.”  Which was actually molestation of underage girls, some being his own sisters.   He also says “We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing, and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling. I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”

Josh Duggar

 

A terrible situation that became a valuable lesson and caused Josh Duggar to evolve into a better person, rise above the dejection and become the executive director of Family Research Council. A man changed I would say, until the media finds out twelve years later.   Now the “wrongdoing” comes back and knock him down.  I am not in any way condoning what he did, and I feel even worse for the girls that were involved.  Before you start thinking "She obviously hasn't been abused", well think again, I have been physically and mentally abused in my life by several people.

But assuming what the family has said is true; that everyone received counseling at the Duggar’s expense and that the counseling was a success for everyone, then I ask why this is news?
Why? Why is our society so determined to ruin someone else.  This not only is detrimental to the entire Duggar family, but the now grown women that were involved, their husbands, children and entire families.  They all have to relive the pain of the past.  And for what?  Sell magazines? Ratings for the TV shows?  So long as we the viewer/reader “tune in” to hear these type of stories the media will continue to seek them out. 
Why Josh Duggar; when there are many other people currently suffering molestation and rape?Because they aren’t “someone”; they aren’t a household name, they aren’t news worthy. 
What about the 18,000 to 50,000 young boys and girls that are kidnapped and trafficked in the sex trade, domestic servitude or forced labor in the US each year?  This is a global crisis and is certainly in our own backyard here in Florida, which is third in the nation as a destination for delivery of slaves; and the Tampa Bay area being 4^th in Florida.  These statistics should appall everyone. 

This is news to most people in the US.  These are the people the media should be digging for information on to bring the traffickers to justice and save the lives of these children in the process. 

Yes, Josh Duggar was wrong, it was a stupid hurtful thing he did. He hurt his family and other families.  No one that has turned their life around for the better deserves to be chained to their past. The media and those buying into this type of reporting are not helping anyone.

Life Like an Ocean

Here is a short story I wrote recently when I was thinking about how fast life passes us by.

Life Like an Ocean

Life can be like the ocean. The ebb and flow of the tides rhythmically moving in and out. Life gently pushing us along, drawing us into and out of seasons like a seashell tumbling along the shore. We settle into comfort with the sweeter moments that tumble our way, like finding love for the very first time or the birth of a child.  We get swept up in these warm feelings and long to stay there forever.

 But life can be like an ocean.  Angry waves can come our way, creating times when it seems we have lost all control of life.  Like a thundering wave slamming that little seashell into the rocky shore, life can break little pieces from your soul. 

Our sweet moments are lost in our memory, for in the present we have to survive the tumultuous wave that the winds of life has cast our way. We fight with ourselves to make it past this wave without drowning.  We fight for those feelings; those feelings that make us want to breathe in life again.  We fight for the comfort of those sweet moments we knew.

Life can be like an ocean. Once the storm passes, there is a gentle ebb and flow of the tides. Seashells tumbling along the shore and life rhythmically flowing along too.

 

Remember the Promise?

What a week! 
I was all set to start my new cancer treatment medicine, Sutent, finally last week when I discovered the insurance wouldn't cover the cost.  It's a "Plan Exclusion" they said, pretty generic statement.  Hum...  I mean I'm not in the hospital so I am avoiding the costs of that and daily blood work, I mean really shouldn't the Sutent  taken at home be more cost effective for the insurance company? I don't understand but I'm not getting anywhere.
So I decide how bad can it be?  We will suck it up, pay the cost and write it off with the medical expenses at the end of the year.  How bad can it be, indeed.... 28 pills were $15,000!  Say what!?  Oh and I discover others taking it had been on it for years...doing great I might add, but years!
So after exhausting all avenues (so I thought) I called Pfizer.  Through a phone interview the rep said I qualified for assistance.  Wonderful- but how much help and for how long?  Surely not for years. 
Through the advice of a friend I continued to press the insurance company for a more specific reason. On Monday I was advised to have the doctor's office call the insurance company, now we are getting somewhere, I thought, but I couldn't seem to get to the right person to make that happen.  I called the insurance company back, after being on hold for what seemed like forever, the rep there asks for my doctors name and number, she is calling him, wow! But it's now 4:15pm, I know they won't get to them today, but maybe this week.... you know how that goes, the wheels of bureaucratic red tape turn very slow. 
But God.....Tuesday at 11:00 am the insurance company called back, no sweeter words did I hear that day than " We've managed to push the drug through you can order your Sutent it is covered".  I love it when God works so fast! When He shows that red tape is no match for His power.

Then I happen to remember Tuesday night as I was talking with my Dad.  When I first was told I had kidney cancer, during a time of worship and prayer, God told me, "I will walk you through this" and as if His hand was around my waist I felt a warmth there, and knew everything would be Okay.

You see God is faithful to fore fill all His promises, but we have to do our part.  I could have took no for an answer, but with the good advice of the friend, those around me sharing my plea to God for help, and my willingness to do my part, God was able to fore fill His promise to me; "I will walk you through this."

What is your storm? God has promised to always be with us.  Do your part and walk in faith, ask others to pray for you and pray bold prayers.  I'm still praying bold prayers and I am expecting God to finish this walk with me; all the way to NED, No Evidence of Disease. 

Doctor Day - Scan Day

When I was say in my 30's my husband and I found it amusing when the man down the street couldn't participant in anything on Wednesdays because it was "Doctor Day" .  I mean how long does it take?! 
Well I get that now that I have cancer.  My trips to Moffitt Cancer Center (an hour away) are that way.  Take yesterday, I had appointments at Moffitt, arrive to have an IV started then drink the nasty cocktail needed for the CT scan, which takes 90 minutes to complete for a 10 minute scan.  Then to the blood draw area so they can take multiple tubes for testing.   Then go to see the Doctor.  Sounds simple right?  Well add in rain, which makes everyone late,( Fresh Florida transplant people can't drive when it rains) so that in turn makes my scan delayed by 30 minutes. But I still get to my 2pm blood draw on time - amazing!  Only to discover that 2 of the thyroid tests that I wanted ordered were not on the list, they have to call the doctor, which by the way is right next door in the same building, this creates another delay, but again I am at my appointment with the doctor on time at 2:45.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.... he finally comes in and takes just as much time with me as he had taken with the people before me.  Answers all my questions, goes over my scans carefully with me. 

Well it wasn't the news I wanted to hear No Evidence of Disease, but it wasn't all bad.  Some of the metastasis had shrunk, stabilized or disappeared, however there was one new growth.  Insert big sigh here... My options are explained, continue with the current treatment, try a new medicine, or do nothing.  While continue with the same treatment was offered, my doctor felt I had used as much of the High Dose Interleukin 2 that my body could take.  Down to 2 options.  I chose Sutent, the medicine.  I start that this week.   And to top that off, the thyroid is pretty much dead now I now will begin new doses of medicine for that.

The option of "doing nothing" felt, well, like doing nothing.  I wasn't ready for that yet....at least I don't think so.  On the other hand taking strong drugs make me crazy, like I really don't want to take anything - ever. 
It wasn't an easy decision, and I second guess my self still today. 

Well all said & done at Moffitt, I was starving since I last ate breakfast at 7:30am, we stopped for dinner at Applebee's  and made it home at 8:30pm what a day!
Doctor day indeed.

The Winds Of Change

 

There was a time in my life I actually thought I was getting it together.  I had fought off many of the demons of my past life, and with the help of some counseling I had managed to make through depression.  Feeling healthy and well for the first time in quite a while I began writing again. 

My long term goal of helping others make it through their difficult times in life through sharing my own trials was actually in my sights once more.  I began to blog to share my thoughts on making it through depression, fear, faith and forgiveness. Readers had were

writing comments letting me know I was helping them understand their loved ones through my posts.  I was sure I was in my sweet spot, and that felt so good, I was actually helping others.  The light was green and I wanted to speed out into the open seas of life documenting everything that came my way.

But as so often happens, plans get changed.  My doctor called to give me the news that I had cancer, and in that moment the light went out. There was no signal for direction, be it out to sea or back to shore. One thing I did know was that I had a new battle to win.  I was diverted from my passion for a short time, but I now have documented my surgery and treatments along with the highs and the lows of this new normal for me.  This crazy cancer tried to cast me out into a rough sea, but I have seen the tides change and now the winds of life are blowing me back to shore, I see the comforting signal, red right return….. I’m home again.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 ESV    

Belated Easter Thoughts

I know I'm a little late on this blog post, but I just want to share with you these thoughts.  They came to me late on Saturday night as I was excited about Easter Sunday. 

In my mind I keep calling Easter Sunday "Thanksgiving".  You know how you do, Tomorrow my kids are coming over for "Thanksgiving" after church, when in fact what I meant was Easter Sunday. So I begin thinking about that, for me it did feel more like a Thanksgiving.  What God gave us, what Jesus did for us, it is overwhelming to think about loving so much.  We all say things like I would die for : fill in the blank, but would you really?  Could you willingly give your child to save others?  I am positive I could not in free will give my child, I do believe with all my heart I would give my life for my children. 
 We were already chosen to be God’s own children by Christ. This was done just like the plan He had.  We who were the first to put our trust in Christ should thank Him for His greatness.
Ephesians 1:11-12
And what does God ask from us in return?  Praise Him, thank Him.  It's that simple.  I don't just mean in church, though we are told to worship with others at church and sing songs of praise.
 Tell of your joy to each other by singing the Songs of David and church songs. Sing in your heart to the Lord. Ephesians 5:19
There is so much more to praising God.  It's our daily actions, how we love & treat others that allows Gods love to shine through us.  What would our lives be like if we really took to heart what praising God was meant to look like? 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these. Mark 12:30-32

Seems like such a small insufficient thing to do compared to a life. 

Prayer: Thank you God for loving me so much as to give your son for my sins and the sins of this world.  Thank you for paying a debt I know I could never repay.   I love you Lord and will sing your praises and do my very best to let your love show through me everyday, for as long as I am here on this earth and look forward to singing your praises in heaven one day. Amen....

Feeling Vulnerable

Wow, two more sets of treatments down!  I managed 5 the first week and 4 the second week, so now I am dealing with the side effects of low energy and the itchiness.  Oh how I do itch!  Cool baths, cool compresses, lavender with lemongrass lotions, Aveno lotion, Benadryl nothing seems to help for very long.  Ah but alas, this too will pass and I will welcome this inconvenience if the treatments are working.  April 28, the date of my next CT scan cannot come soon enough!

 I feel so vulnerable at after these treatments.  I have noticed that Satan wants to attack and use me more now that my defenses are down.You know the drill- you don't feel good and something starts that little voice in your head yapping.  Then I generally take something either personally that I shouldn't have or the incident grows from one to two to three until I have a 3 ring circus of drama in my head.  Why do I let that happen?!  I recognize it but too often I open my mouth before I can stop it and the hurt pours out all over whoever happens to be near.
I believe the key things in this situation for me to realize are:
1.My defenses are down.  We are so much more vulnerable when we are sick or hurt. Pray for God to give you strength to with stand the temptation to just react in a knee jerk fashion.
2.Hurt feelings.  Feels should not dictate the way you act.  Allow your faith to be larger than your feelings. Give your faith the steering wheel.
3.Speaking.  Know when to keep your mouth shut.  Like your Mama told you, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all."

Many times our reaction is fear based, fear of being used or taken advantage of; a fear that someone will not like us, there  are many reasons.  But remember you will either feed fear or you will feed faith and courage.   .
Peter got out of the boat to walk on water with Jesus, but when he took his eyes and thoughts off Jesus he began to sink in the heavy waves.
It's okay, get out of the boat, or out of that 3 ring circus in your head. God wants us to focus on Him, have courage over our circumstances and walk on the water with Jesus.

“Come,” he said.Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”  Matthew 14:29-30

Toxic Relationships

I shared a story few weeks ago about cutting out toxic relationships.  I mentioned three things that designated a toxic relationship, they were:

Continuous strife between you
Chains you to your past
Takes advantage of your heart

Once you make a big change in your life, like excepting Christ as your savior, it is really hard for some people to accept the new you.  Unfortunately, a lot of these are people that have known you for a long time,they may be family.  These people know how you lived in the world before you developed your new relationship with God.    Perhaps they are not saved themselves, or they call themselves Christians but they do not have a relationship with God.  By that I mean they believe in God but never really developed their love with & for God or never realized (actually felt) God's love for them. 
The thing is, it's probably not their fault.  No one taught them about the relationship part, they only know the religious part, as in the law of God.  It seems like it's all rules and do's and do not's to them. So their vision is skewed when they look at you within your new life. 
Continuous Strife or continuous drama plagues the two of you because they have a hard time believing what you are saying, or the new way you are acting.  They are chained to the past, to your old self.  This person (the old you) is familiar to them; they knew what to expect from the person you were then. By allowing them to treat you this way you are allowing them to chain you to your past every time they are around you.  You have worked hard to get out of the pit, do not let them pull you back in- break that chain!

Then there are those that have accepted you in your new season of life. They realize your heart has  changed and how best take advantage of you.  You see it isn't about rules, but the closer you grow with God & Jesus, the more you want to live the good life.  The more you want to live like Jesus.  Your heart may soften towards a particular mission, because that is God's plan for you. 
Let's say you were a woman beaten up mentally and physically, now having been out of that situation for years, God gives you a heart for hurting women.  Now let's say a family member or a old friend that knows your past well, tells you stories that constantly play on your sympathies.  So you  mentally & financially help supply their needs, you take up their cross so to speak, always defending them only to discover that this person was telling you half truths.  Learning the full truth you realize they were just as at fault in the situations as anyone else in their stories told to you.  That is taking advantage of your heart. 
Toxic relationships. Jesus warned the disciples about them just before sending them out on their own:

 “Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands. Matthew 10:28 (MSG)

“Don’t think I’ve come to make life cozy. I’ve come to cut—make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies.  Matthew 10:34-37 (MSG) 

 

So don't give up.  If the chosen disciples were subject to toxic relationships then how much more should we expect it today?  It's spiritual warfare- pick up your sword and swing it! 

 

Internal Storm

I hope you enjoy this piece I wrote today- It was great news for me yesterday when my Doctor told me the IL2 Treatments are working- though I will need more treatments I will make through - God is with me!!

 

The Internal Storm

Driving alone in the car I feel the inner storm begin to rise.

The pit of my stomach fills with butterflies. 

Thoughts roll through my mind, blowing in and out.

A sense of dread swirls about. 

My grip on the steering wheel tightens in anticipation;

as I pull up to the building I see my reflection.

 

“Calm down” I whisper “God is near”

“You know He promised He’d always be here.”

 

Seeing the Doctor has evoked this fear

But hearing his words was music to my ears.

“The treatment is working” he said with some joy.

 

Storm now evaded a smile comes to my face,

Thank you Jesus for your unending Grace!

Tomorrow is Scan Day!

Tomorrow is the first scan after having two rounds of  the High Dose IL2 treatments.  The feelings of anticipation are both hopeful and dreadful.  The more I learn about the cancer the more complicated my feelings become.  Talking to others that have been through what I am going through brings out the realist in me, yet reading verses in the Bible and going to church brings out this spiritual hopefulness in me. 

It all brings me to the conclusion that I may now have a new normal in my life.  Yes I still believe that God could heal me if He so chooses, but I also know that  He takes us through these field trips in life for His own purpose.  I will continue to pray for healing, that God use my experiences to help others, and that I will be an inspiration to someone whatever the field trip they are struggling through.

No matter what I will continue to expect my miracle.  Thank you for your prayers

The Eruption

Here is a piece I wrote recently about toxic relationships, they can be burning and sometimes need to be cut, maybe forever, maybe for a while.  How do you know if you are in a toxic relationship? 
Consistent strife between you
Chains you to your past
Takes advantage of your heart

“Don’t imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword." Matthew 10:34

I'll talk more on these later for now here is a excerpt from a little story.

The Eruption
The day is peaceful for her now as she lie near the ocean.  The cool breeze delivering familiar calming scents of the sea relaxing her inner being; yet stirring something almost like a longing she couldn’t describe.  These past days have been exactly what she needed.  Leaving the family drama with the other members of the family to sort out. 

Earlier in the week her phone whistled breaking into the trace she had placed herself in after an argument with her thirty five year old daughter; it was notice she had received a text.  “Great”, she thought as dread washed over her, “This is not going to be good.” She knew it would be from her sister on the other coast.  

“I told you not to do that, to go easy.”  Her sister wrote, “You don’t have a relationship with her. Why did you even come out here? Are you happy now? Proud of yourself?  I cannot believe the damage you have done, I am speechless.”

She felt the anger rise; starting in the pit of her stomach raising up to her glowing red face.  How dare her sister tell her what to discuss with her daughter!  Everything had been fine between them until her sister had gotten so involved in her daughter’s life.  It was their disagreement and was for them to work out, why couldn’t she respect her enough to stay out of it all?

“I don’t care what you think anymore, just stay out of our lives!” she wrote back. ”Instead of encouraging my daughter to work things out with me, you are too concerned with how you will come out looking in the situation. You have enough damage control to deal with in your own life and with your daughters! So Piss off!”

“Oh that’s nice from the high Christian Mother” her sister replied “Great witness”

“After what you just said to me?  You are so self-centered, I am over you, and you have hurt me for the last time.” She wrote

She had been an explosive volcano, the words spewing like hot lava out of her mind faster than she could type them.  Their relationship problems went way back to childhood; her sister had always known the way to push her buttons and fifty years later had not forgotten how to get to her. But this was the last time; it was finally time to bring this to an end.   Her sister had set the relationship bridge on fire and she had let it burn down.

Having decided that it was okay to say goodbye to toxic relationships she cut the ties with her sister. It was painful, especially knowing that during her last visit she had ask her niece to work on the difficult issues she, her mother and sister were having.  Really trying to be supportive to them all she had encouraged her to realize that it would be worth it in the end. This was really all that she had wanted from her sister, the same respect.   Cutting her sister out of her life may hurt for a little while and the repercussions from other family members may be tough to handle, but she knew it was the right thing to do.

Now more relaxed that she had been in recent years she felt like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders.  The ocean waves and calming sea smells seemed like a prize she had won.  Those calming scents that created a longing deep inside her, she now realized was a peacefulness she had lived with long ago. A time when she first moved miles away from the family.  It was a drama free life she was longing to get back to, she knew it wouldn’t be perfect and not without its problems but cutting out the toxic relationships felt like she was on the right path. 

Giving Myself Grace

Sixteen down.  With the second session of treatments complete I now have sixteen treatments down.   It seems like an  insignificant number considering the goal is fourteen for each session, but I am praying for it to be a miraculous number come February 3, 2015 when I have a body scan once again to determine the status of the renal cell cancer. 
I have found some of the hardest parts of this for me personally is to accept help when offered, ask for help when needed, and give myself grace when I am not feeling well.  That last one is something I've been working on for a while- giving myself grace- in a lot of areas of my life.  Certainly now without any outward evidence of physical ailments I find it difficult to stop, slow down and rest. As a young person I had it drilled in my head that if you weren't doing something or accomplishing something you were lazy;  "A lazy, no account, good for nothin' slacker".   There are something like 30 verses in the bible that talk about lazy people, who wants to be associated with that?!

Still Waters in Tahoe CA

But we also have to remember that there are many verses where God gives us: peace, that can only come from Him.  It's okay to rest, rejuvenate and refresh.
Psalms 23:2 reminds us-

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

God doesn't want me in the desert, or beside turbulent seas, but resting in peace and near the waters of quietness. 

I'm a work in progress, working on giving myself grace during this time of healing in this field trip of life......  Think I'll go to the beach.

 

Lido Beach, Sarasota FL