God Still Loves a Freaked Out Woman

Ever have one of those days when you felt like the world was crashing around you?  I immediately go into to the ‘where did I go wrong’ mode. which takes me to Matthew 25:23

“The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’Matthew 25:23

And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:17

Then more panic- I know it is not true, but I think that God is pleased with me and  loves me more when I am “sane”, so how can He care for this crazy freaked out woman?  I clearly have not been faithful in handling the small stuff. How can I possibly think I can minister to others when I cannot even minister to myself? Why would God give me more responsibilities?  Uggg. The old stories start playing in my head until I am worked up into a full emotional mess.  I hate when that happens.  Sound familiar?  Maybe you have been there too, just don’t go overboard like I tend to do. 

So where do I go wrong?  First remembering who or should I say forgetting who I am.  Through Christ, God has given us all a new identity.  We tend to look to our surroundings, jobs, family, and activities to determine who we are; hoping these things will please others or even God. We are a vulnerable species, we humans, often needing reassurance to feel fore-filled.

But we have power over all these things through Jesus Who loves us so much. 38 For I know that nothing can keep us from the love of God. Death cannot! Life cannot! Angels cannot! Leaders cannot! Any other power cannot! Hard things now or in the future cannot! 39 The world above or the world below cannot! Any other living thing cannot keep us away from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans  8:37-39 NLV

That is my reassurance. I need to get this verse deep into my heart so that it is available when I feel that freaky woman coming out; I have power over her through Jesus who loves me.  I will listen for God to say “You are my daughter whom I love and am pleased.” He loves me  and is pleased with me; not because of my activities and performance, but unconditionally  just as I am, faults and all.  He knows I am a work in progress.  Not because I deserve it, just given freely.

Unconditional Love?

When I was in my 30s my sister's Sunday school class was studying the family and how it affects your adult life.  She sent me a questionnaire asking my thoughts on our childhood. I was to complete it and return it to her, and then she would do the same and return it to me. The questions asked about our upbringing and how that influenced our adult life or siblings life. There was a section about yourself; the sibling was to respond to the other siblings’ answers. One of the questions asked was “As a teenager what did you think you would be doing at age 30?” My answer was- “I didn’t think I would live to see 30.”  When my sister returned the form back to me I was surprised by her answer, it simply said, “Neither did we.”

I had no idea the family felt that way. Really? I should have! I knew they were disappointed in me and they hated where I was mentally (and physically) back then. 

I had turned from God when I was eighteen, not that my parents provided an example of what a christian life should look like. There was so much drama in my life from my parent’s divorces I was left me feeling unlovable. Coupled with my distorted view of having to behave a certain way to earn God's love, I thought I can never be “that good” so why try. I didn’t understand unconditional love. My old school church teachings were on hellfire and damnation; the pastor never taught on a relationship with God, His unconditional love and grace. 

BUT GOD…. Kept me safe. He loves us all unconditionally!

“The mountains may disappear, and the hills may come to an end, but my love will never disappear; my promise of peace will not come to an end,” says the Lord who shows mercy to you. Isaiah 54:10 NCV

Never stop telling your children that you love them, teach and show them unconditional love. Be the example of what God has to offer us all. It will be much easier for children to grasp God’s love and build the relationship with Him with you as a positive reference.