Cancer update

I realized today that it has been a while since I updated on my cancer journey.  So here is the latest-

My last scan was  in April and showed a basic stabilization of all metastases, but there was one new growth in my lung.  My doctor was of the opinion that my body could not take anymore treatments of the  High Dose Interleukin 2 .  So the next option was a chemo pill.  Now I take Sutent once a day for 2 weeks off a week until August when I will have another scan.
Not without it's issues; fatigue, sore mouth, aching muscles & joints just to mention a few; at least with Sutent I am home unlike the HDIL2 where I was in the hospital for days at a time.  Sutent is a target therapy, each type of targeted therapy works a little bit differently but all interfere with the ability of the cancer cell to grow, divide, repair and/or communicate with other cells.  This treatment apparently has had great effect after the HD IL2 that I was taking, so I am very optimistic. 

Truly, I am optimistic.  I have from the beginning been so trusting that God has this under control.  I wear a bracelet daily that says "Fearless" to remind me that with God at my side I have nothing to fear. And just recently Mia Fieldes released her EP Ashes that has a beautiful song on it called .... you guessed it, Fearless.   Now not only the word and bracelet are my banner, but I have a song to walk with too, click here to listen to my new favorite song, Fearless By Mia Fieldes

Stay strong no matter your storm, we are Fearless in His presence, He is all around us.  I know at my weakness, He is strongest, because He surrounds me...Oh that song has so much meaning to me these days, I hope you are blessed by it too.  If you are head over to purchase Mia's EP Ashes on iTunes

Josh Duggar- Why is this news?

We all make mistakes in our youth.  Some worse than others, some fall into the drug scene, steal a magazine,  lie to their parents about where they have been, cheat on a test, or even worse  hurt another person. We all have choices to make at that point, will we continue the bad behavior or learn the valuable lesson and become a better person as we mature.  

I like to believe that more people will learn from the mistakes, especially those that have a supportive family base.  Take Josh Duggar now 27 and a respected family man. He is in the news for a huge hurtful mistake he made at 12 years ago.  Josh says that he “acted inexcusably” and was “deeply sorry” for what he called “my wrongdoing.”  Which was actually molestation of underage girls, some being his own sisters.   He also says “We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing, and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling. I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”

Josh Duggar

 

A terrible situation that became a valuable lesson and caused Josh Duggar to evolve into a better person, rise above the dejection and become the executive director of Family Research Council. A man changed I would say, until the media finds out twelve years later.   Now the “wrongdoing” comes back and knock him down.  I am not in any way condoning what he did, and I feel even worse for the girls that were involved.  Before you start thinking "She obviously hasn't been abused", well think again, I have been physically and mentally abused in my life by several people.

But assuming what the family has said is true; that everyone received counseling at the Duggar’s expense and that the counseling was a success for everyone, then I ask why this is news?
Why? Why is our society so determined to ruin someone else.  This not only is detrimental to the entire Duggar family, but the now grown women that were involved, their husbands, children and entire families.  They all have to relive the pain of the past.  And for what?  Sell magazines? Ratings for the TV shows?  So long as we the viewer/reader “tune in” to hear these type of stories the media will continue to seek them out. 
Why Josh Duggar; when there are many other people currently suffering molestation and rape?Because they aren’t “someone”; they aren’t a household name, they aren’t news worthy. 
What about the 18,000 to 50,000 young boys and girls that are kidnapped and trafficked in the sex trade, domestic servitude or forced labor in the US each year?  This is a global crisis and is certainly in our own backyard here in Florida, which is third in the nation as a destination for delivery of slaves; and the Tampa Bay area being 4^th in Florida.  These statistics should appall everyone. 

This is news to most people in the US.  These are the people the media should be digging for information on to bring the traffickers to justice and save the lives of these children in the process. 

Yes, Josh Duggar was wrong, it was a stupid hurtful thing he did. He hurt his family and other families.  No one that has turned their life around for the better deserves to be chained to their past. The media and those buying into this type of reporting are not helping anyone.

Life Like an Ocean

Here is a short story I wrote recently when I was thinking about how fast life passes us by.

Life Like an Ocean

Life can be like the ocean. The ebb and flow of the tides rhythmically moving in and out. Life gently pushing us along, drawing us into and out of seasons like a seashell tumbling along the shore. We settle into comfort with the sweeter moments that tumble our way, like finding love for the very first time or the birth of a child.  We get swept up in these warm feelings and long to stay there forever.

 But life can be like an ocean.  Angry waves can come our way, creating times when it seems we have lost all control of life.  Like a thundering wave slamming that little seashell into the rocky shore, life can break little pieces from your soul. 

Our sweet moments are lost in our memory, for in the present we have to survive the tumultuous wave that the winds of life has cast our way. We fight with ourselves to make it past this wave without drowning.  We fight for those feelings; those feelings that make us want to breathe in life again.  We fight for the comfort of those sweet moments we knew.

Life can be like an ocean. Once the storm passes, there is a gentle ebb and flow of the tides. Seashells tumbling along the shore and life rhythmically flowing along too.

 

Remember the Promise?

What a week! 
I was all set to start my new cancer treatment medicine, Sutent, finally last week when I discovered the insurance wouldn't cover the cost.  It's a "Plan Exclusion" they said, pretty generic statement.  Hum...  I mean I'm not in the hospital so I am avoiding the costs of that and daily blood work, I mean really shouldn't the Sutent  taken at home be more cost effective for the insurance company? I don't understand but I'm not getting anywhere.
So I decide how bad can it be?  We will suck it up, pay the cost and write it off with the medical expenses at the end of the year.  How bad can it be, indeed.... 28 pills were $15,000!  Say what!?  Oh and I discover others taking it had been on it for years...doing great I might add, but years!
So after exhausting all avenues (so I thought) I called Pfizer.  Through a phone interview the rep said I qualified for assistance.  Wonderful- but how much help and for how long?  Surely not for years. 
Through the advice of a friend I continued to press the insurance company for a more specific reason. On Monday I was advised to have the doctor's office call the insurance company, now we are getting somewhere, I thought, but I couldn't seem to get to the right person to make that happen.  I called the insurance company back, after being on hold for what seemed like forever, the rep there asks for my doctors name and number, she is calling him, wow! But it's now 4:15pm, I know they won't get to them today, but maybe this week.... you know how that goes, the wheels of bureaucratic red tape turn very slow. 
But God.....Tuesday at 11:00 am the insurance company called back, no sweeter words did I hear that day than " We've managed to push the drug through you can order your Sutent it is covered".  I love it when God works so fast! When He shows that red tape is no match for His power.

Then I happen to remember Tuesday night as I was talking with my Dad.  When I first was told I had kidney cancer, during a time of worship and prayer, God told me, "I will walk you through this" and as if His hand was around my waist I felt a warmth there, and knew everything would be Okay.

You see God is faithful to fore fill all His promises, but we have to do our part.  I could have took no for an answer, but with the good advice of the friend, those around me sharing my plea to God for help, and my willingness to do my part, God was able to fore fill His promise to me; "I will walk you through this."

What is your storm? God has promised to always be with us.  Do your part and walk in faith, ask others to pray for you and pray bold prayers.  I'm still praying bold prayers and I am expecting God to finish this walk with me; all the way to NED, No Evidence of Disease. 

Doctor Day - Scan Day

When I was say in my 30's my husband and I found it amusing when the man down the street couldn't participant in anything on Wednesdays because it was "Doctor Day" .  I mean how long does it take?! 
Well I get that now that I have cancer.  My trips to Moffitt Cancer Center (an hour away) are that way.  Take yesterday, I had appointments at Moffitt, arrive to have an IV started then drink the nasty cocktail needed for the CT scan, which takes 90 minutes to complete for a 10 minute scan.  Then to the blood draw area so they can take multiple tubes for testing.   Then go to see the Doctor.  Sounds simple right?  Well add in rain, which makes everyone late,( Fresh Florida transplant people can't drive when it rains) so that in turn makes my scan delayed by 30 minutes. But I still get to my 2pm blood draw on time - amazing!  Only to discover that 2 of the thyroid tests that I wanted ordered were not on the list, they have to call the doctor, which by the way is right next door in the same building, this creates another delay, but again I am at my appointment with the doctor on time at 2:45.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.... he finally comes in and takes just as much time with me as he had taken with the people before me.  Answers all my questions, goes over my scans carefully with me. 

Well it wasn't the news I wanted to hear No Evidence of Disease, but it wasn't all bad.  Some of the metastasis had shrunk, stabilized or disappeared, however there was one new growth.  Insert big sigh here... My options are explained, continue with the current treatment, try a new medicine, or do nothing.  While continue with the same treatment was offered, my doctor felt I had used as much of the High Dose Interleukin 2 that my body could take.  Down to 2 options.  I chose Sutent, the medicine.  I start that this week.   And to top that off, the thyroid is pretty much dead now I now will begin new doses of medicine for that.

The option of "doing nothing" felt, well, like doing nothing.  I wasn't ready for that yet....at least I don't think so.  On the other hand taking strong drugs make me crazy, like I really don't want to take anything - ever. 
It wasn't an easy decision, and I second guess my self still today. 

Well all said & done at Moffitt, I was starving since I last ate breakfast at 7:30am, we stopped for dinner at Applebee's  and made it home at 8:30pm what a day!
Doctor day indeed.

The Winds Of Change

 

There was a time in my life I actually thought I was getting it together.  I had fought off many of the demons of my past life, and with the help of some counseling I had managed to make through depression.  Feeling healthy and well for the first time in quite a while I began writing again. 

My long term goal of helping others make it through their difficult times in life through sharing my own trials was actually in my sights once more.  I began to blog to share my thoughts on making it through depression, fear, faith and forgiveness. Readers had were

writing comments letting me know I was helping them understand their loved ones through my posts.  I was sure I was in my sweet spot, and that felt so good, I was actually helping others.  The light was green and I wanted to speed out into the open seas of life documenting everything that came my way.

But as so often happens, plans get changed.  My doctor called to give me the news that I had cancer, and in that moment the light went out. There was no signal for direction, be it out to sea or back to shore. One thing I did know was that I had a new battle to win.  I was diverted from my passion for a short time, but I now have documented my surgery and treatments along with the highs and the lows of this new normal for me.  This crazy cancer tried to cast me out into a rough sea, but I have seen the tides change and now the winds of life are blowing me back to shore, I see the comforting signal, red right return….. I’m home again.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 ESV    

Belated Easter Thoughts

I know I'm a little late on this blog post, but I just want to share with you these thoughts.  They came to me late on Saturday night as I was excited about Easter Sunday. 

In my mind I keep calling Easter Sunday "Thanksgiving".  You know how you do, Tomorrow my kids are coming over for "Thanksgiving" after church, when in fact what I meant was Easter Sunday. So I begin thinking about that, for me it did feel more like a Thanksgiving.  What God gave us, what Jesus did for us, it is overwhelming to think about loving so much.  We all say things like I would die for : fill in the blank, but would you really?  Could you willingly give your child to save others?  I am positive I could not in free will give my child, I do believe with all my heart I would give my life for my children. 
 We were already chosen to be God’s own children by Christ. This was done just like the plan He had.  We who were the first to put our trust in Christ should thank Him for His greatness.
Ephesians 1:11-12
And what does God ask from us in return?  Praise Him, thank Him.  It's that simple.  I don't just mean in church, though we are told to worship with others at church and sing songs of praise.
 Tell of your joy to each other by singing the Songs of David and church songs. Sing in your heart to the Lord. Ephesians 5:19
There is so much more to praising God.  It's our daily actions, how we love & treat others that allows Gods love to shine through us.  What would our lives be like if we really took to heart what praising God was meant to look like? 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these. Mark 12:30-32

Seems like such a small insufficient thing to do compared to a life. 

Prayer: Thank you God for loving me so much as to give your son for my sins and the sins of this world.  Thank you for paying a debt I know I could never repay.   I love you Lord and will sing your praises and do my very best to let your love show through me everyday, for as long as I am here on this earth and look forward to singing your praises in heaven one day. Amen....