Toxic Relationships

I shared a story few weeks ago about cutting out toxic relationships.  I mentioned three things that designated a toxic relationship, they were:

Continuous strife between you
Chains you to your past
Takes advantage of your heart

Once you make a big change in your life, like excepting Christ as your savior, it is really hard for some people to accept the new you.  Unfortunately, a lot of these are people that have known you for a long time,they may be family.  These people know how you lived in the world before you developed your new relationship with God.    Perhaps they are not saved themselves, or they call themselves Christians but they do not have a relationship with God.  By that I mean they believe in God but never really developed their love with & for God or never realized (actually felt) God's love for them. 
The thing is, it's probably not their fault.  No one taught them about the relationship part, they only know the religious part, as in the law of God.  It seems like it's all rules and do's and do not's to them. So their vision is skewed when they look at you within your new life. 
Continuous Strife or continuous drama plagues the two of you because they have a hard time believing what you are saying, or the new way you are acting.  They are chained to the past, to your old self.  This person (the old you) is familiar to them; they knew what to expect from the person you were then. By allowing them to treat you this way you are allowing them to chain you to your past every time they are around you.  You have worked hard to get out of the pit, do not let them pull you back in- break that chain!

Then there are those that have accepted you in your new season of life. They realize your heart has  changed and how best take advantage of you.  You see it isn't about rules, but the closer you grow with God & Jesus, the more you want to live the good life.  The more you want to live like Jesus.  Your heart may soften towards a particular mission, because that is God's plan for you. 
Let's say you were a woman beaten up mentally and physically, now having been out of that situation for years, God gives you a heart for hurting women.  Now let's say a family member or a old friend that knows your past well, tells you stories that constantly play on your sympathies.  So you  mentally & financially help supply their needs, you take up their cross so to speak, always defending them only to discover that this person was telling you half truths.  Learning the full truth you realize they were just as at fault in the situations as anyone else in their stories told to you.  That is taking advantage of your heart. 
Toxic relationships. Jesus warned the disciples about them just before sending them out on their own:

 “Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands. Matthew 10:28 (MSG)

“Don’t think I’ve come to make life cozy. I’ve come to cut—make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies.  Matthew 10:34-37 (MSG) 

 

So don't give up.  If the chosen disciples were subject to toxic relationships then how much more should we expect it today?  It's spiritual warfare- pick up your sword and swing it! 

 

What's Important To You?

Think about that, and really be honest with yourself and ask what is important to you. Is it to be wealthy ? Is it to be famous? Or are you half way committed to family and half way to a worldly goal? Perhaps you aren’t really committed to anything and prefer to “ go with the flow”.  

Whatever you are committing yourself to now will determine your future life.  So if you aren’t committed to anything or are committed to things that do not share the same values you are likely to end up frustrated or floating in mediocrity.  If you focus more on the worldly ways of wealth and fame, you risk being bitter and disappointed in what your life has become. 

I speak from experience here, early in life I made poor choices, some that have come back to bite me.  My choices were self centered and lacking wisdom concerning my future.  I was living day to day, going with the flow of the world and partying my way through life. I made little effort towards getting an education until in my 30’s when it became apparent I needed more knowledge to get on with my worldly goals.  My family truly suffered, both my relationship with my parents and little did I know the relationship with my children, I just couldn’t see past today.

So everything will be destroyed. And what kind of people should you be? You should lead holy and godly lives. 2 Peter 3:11 NIRV

In the last several years I have developed a wonderful relationship with God, and with His help I have made a complete turn around in my  life. The lines between the families, step & biological, became amazingly blurred.   Holidays and birthdays have become times with “friends”; no resentment of each other, just our crazy functional-dysfunctional  family. People were amazed that we could all get along.  Though we would explain that it hadn’t aways been that way, I am sure everyone agrees we are grateful that we let God take control and make things right between us.  

There are some relationships that still need work, however long it takes, I will give that to God to work on; I know it is not my job to repair everything, but is God’s job.

However you don’t have to wait; stop, think about what is important to you today, before it is too late and you have repair broken relationships or end up living a frustrated meaningless life. Let God direct your way, you may not understand where he is leading you, but you don’t have to, He sees the whole picture of your life- you don’t.