Getting Past The Hurt

I haven’t written for a while.  Truth is I have been trying to work through a personal struggle.  Now I think I can share some of the lesson with you.  I welcome your comments and questions, so many people go through hurts, we need to help each other learn to get through it.

How do you get past the pain when someone you care about has hurt you?  Whether it is a friend, a spouse or a child, when someone close to you does or says something that hurts it always seems to sting a little worse and is harder to get past.  

I live in a coastal community, so I know when a storm comes in from the water the waves get bigger and erodes more of the beach.  If there are any structures standing near by, as the beach is eroded away the structure will collapse.

Unresolved hurts, like the waves lapping at the shore, slowly erode the things around it. You are likely to create a wall to prevent being hurt again, or distrust others because of what someone else did; but before you know it like the waves erode an insufficient seawall, your waves of past hurts will eroded a current relationship. 

So what do you do? 

What do you do? How do you get past all the pain and move on? 

You say that you forgive them, after all forgiveness is for you to heal. You know the bible verses that teach you how to respond and act. You know that God loves you and the other person, you know you should love like Jesus. You tell yourself to move on, it’s okay, forget about it, but you can’t.   

Look hard at the situation, how does it make you feel.  Write down those feelings, think about them, can you relate these words to a past hurt that you never really got over? 

For instance a child of divorced parents may carry the feelings of rejection into areas of their adult life.  Then as an adult have rejection issues because Dad or Mom left them.

That child may even distrust God our Father; not being able to separate the earthly father from the heavenly Father.

Know this.  There is no better way to get free from all our past than to give it over to God, He will set you free.

So if the son sets you free, you will be really free.  John 8:36

When you are really free from worry, guilt and bitterness; you are free to quit pretending that everything is “fine” and be yourself.  

There are times that sharing the situation with a trusted friend will help you heal, as I was dealing with my hurts this last month a very sweet woman those friendship I treasure gave me this scripture and said this to me:

“But I believe that God is in every aspect of our lives and he protects us from things we

may never know about.   

The Lord himself watches over you!  The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.  The sun will not hurt you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord keeps you from all evil and preserves your life.  The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever. Psalm 121:5-8 

I will continue to lift you to the throne in prayer.  Trust in Him to see you through this to the end.  He loves you Sherry!  Me too!"

Though I thanked her for this, she may never know how deeply it affected me, how comforting it was to know that someone else felt my pain. That someone else would care enough to pray for me and the situation.  That someone else would listen to Gods urging and write to me such encouraging words.

So to sum it up I have learned is this-

Trust God.  He will heal you, He loves you and wants to take away your pain.  

God speaks. Listen for Him.  Watch for Him in unexpected places.

Trust a friend. God wants to use others to help you heal. 

I was made for more

Being on a fast makes reading my daily devotions seem to draw me closer to God.  But of course that is what I am praying for - to grow closer to God; to understand and accept things that happen and I cannot control.  

During my devotion today this came to me-

I was made for more 

I was made for more than the guilt I feel for not living my past life right. 

I was made for more than the chocolate I crave in the middle of the night.

I was made for more than the bathroom scale says I am. 

and I was made for more than I am able to think I can.

You are made for more too.  What ever you are going through, what ever war is waging inside of you, you are made for more.  

I am going to focus on trying NOT to change things out of my control,  it just brings out that “out of control freaked out woman” that I loathe so much, and fires up the three ring circus in my head.  Better to just remember this verse when I am feeling like jumping of the edge.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

Goodbye 2013

Like many others I have been reflecting on what has happened in the past year.  There is so much to think about, why did it happen, what did I learn, how could I have prevented it or made it better.  

There will always be things out of our control- like when I lost my job, or things that can’t be made better, like the birth of my beautiful granddaughter.  But if you look into the hard times, generally there is at least a lesson to be learned.  I don’t believe that God will lead us into circumstances to teach a lesson, but our free will does lead us to places at times that God will use as teachable moments. 

In January during my fast I realized I was depending on food more than God, so I began listening more closely for Him; which turned out to be a good thing  because God began preparing me for a my job loss. In May the day before of my release, God confirmed it.  Through that I learned that I had placed my identity in the job and not in Christ. 

This all lead to the short sale of our home. Without my income we are more focused on trusting God with our finances and providing the things we need, not what we want.  

And provide He has! A house to rent in a great area close to our children and at a good price.  Prefect for the connect groups from our church, friends and family to gather and have fun.  All the grand kids live closer to us now so we can enjoy frequent visits and craft projects with lots of glue and glitter....

The Lord is my strength and shield.    I trust him with all my heart.He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.    I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalms 28:7

Then there is  blessing of our new grand girl in September; she constantly smiles for everyone to reminding us that just seeing a smile can make feel happier. 

God has placed a wonderful group of women in my life to encourage and support me in this last year.  Friendships that will last a lifetime. I pray that I have been a blessing to them as well.

There were emotional times too, hurts that I don’t understand but I am trusting God to heal in due time. I know there is something to be learned from them too, perhaps it is unconditional love.

All in all 2013 was eventful year and at times the 3 ring circus was reeling in my head. There were circumstances I know I couldn’t have ever gotten through without knowing God was with me, for me, and loving me through it all.  Remember, no circumstance is ever a waste if you learn something from it, and know God will help you through it all. Just listen for Him; He is there waiting on you.

Christmas Time

Christmas time...A time for family and friends,food and presents. A celebration of the birth of Jesus....all to often put at the end of a thought. With all the hustle and bustle, parties and decorating, we are left exhausted and  filled with discontent.  You may be resentful of obligations to go places you don’t want to, spend money you don’t have, spend time with people you don’t like. You may envy those with the funds to have a beautiful Christmas celebration and those families that seem to have the “perfect” life. The reason for the season can become all about you, and you ask “What is the significance of it all?” 

Stop! Look around you at the everyday things; the way your child’s eyes light up when they smile, the stars twinkling at night, the way the sun glistens on the snow- or the turquoise water at the beach... 

They entered the house and saw the child in the arms of Mary, his mother. Overcome, they kneeled and worshiped him. Then they opened their luggage and presented gifts: gold, frankincense, myrrh. Matthew 2:11

In the ordinary things and places.  That is where the wise men found the baby Jesus. In an ordinary barn , in an ordinary manger, birthed by an ordinary woman. 

They came bearing gifts. Gold, a gift for kings.  Frankincense, an incense used in temples to worship God. Myrrh, a spice used on the dead.  All this acknowledging  Jesus is God, King and Savior. 

What will you bring to Jesus for his birthday this year? What can you possibly give? Trust. Yourself. Time. When you trust Jesus you are also having faith, giving yourself and your time to Him will help you grow in that faith and really get to know Him better, as a result you trust even more.  

For the next week think about the new year. What will you trust in? The economy? Yourself? will you trust someone else or will you trust Jesus? 

We’ll talk next Monday....

Merry Christmas!

What is the size of your world?

 The size of your world can vary from large to small depending on what you are doing, but over all what perspective do you see the world from?  

Are you watching from the 5th floor or are you at ground level? 

One misconception I hear is that you have to look out for number one.  In fact one of my old sayings was, “You have to look out for number one because if you don’t no one else will.”  and that is the way I lived my life.  I remember one of my children when about 3 or 4 years old, was always giving the toys away to other kids.  I reprimanded and explained - “if you give them away there will be nothing left for you.” It wasn’t that there weren’t enough toys, the aunts, grandparents and “Santa” always gave too much. We were over run with “stuff”. My world was small, a ground floor perception, and I was transferring it to my child. Ya, sad right....

Don’t do anything for selfish purposes, but with humility think of others as better than yourselves. 4 Instead of each person watching out for their own good, watch out for what is better for others. Philippians 2:3-4 CEB

Later when I truly surrendered all of myself to God my world grew too. I then had a 5th floor perspective of the world.  I realized that it wasn’t God himself  or just God’s purpose for “me” alone I should be seeking, but God’s purpose for us all.  

Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing.       1 Peter 3:8-9 MSG

God wants us to love, care and give to others. It takes empathy and mercy to succeed.  These traits may not come naturally to you, but they can be learned.  I look back at that past situation and wonder- who was the child and who was the adult?  God was trying to teach through my child at that time, but I wasn’t listening. I was caught up in my selfish, all about me perspective.

My pastor reminded me in his weekend sermon that : Self righteousness is worse than unrighteousness. 

Bridges could’ve been burned by my selfish, self righteous ways, but fortunately my family and friends stayed with me in spite of myself and that ground floor view.  So glad God got a hold of me, not only can I feel better by thinking of others, but I could have ended up on an episode of  Hoarders: Buried Alive, or then again, American Pickers wouldn't have been so bad....

Learning to Let Go

Forgiveness can be a difficult thing to do for a lot of people, but forgetting is even harder.  When the hurt comes from a family member or a Christian it can be even more difficult to deal with so knowing what to say and what not to say becomes an issue.  

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.  Proverbs 15:1

Oh how hard choosing those gentle words can be, I become torn between showing my feelings and trying not to hurt the other person.  My inside crazy freak out woman says “Oh no you didn’t just say that...” While the Christian Mother says, “ Well now bless their heart, they don’t really mean that....”  So at times I become paralyzed and do nothing.  I let my mind go over every word, every past hurt, every past mistake and the downward spiral continues until I can apply the emergency break. 

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6

God is the emergency break. Realizing what is God’s job and what is your job will put the breaks on the emotional roller coaster. Being grateful for all God has done and will do for you will also apply the breaks- It is very difficult if not impossible to have a grateful heart and a tormented heart at the same time. 

When someone receives God into their heart, God doesn’t want to let them go.  He stays within our hearts always. 

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6

A comforting verse, I know first hand it is true, I have seen it and lived it.  So I will learn to let go, forgive, forget and let God do His job....mine is simply to love, be available when needed & pray.

God Still Loves a Freaked Out Woman

Ever have one of those days when you felt like the world was crashing around you?  I immediately go into to the ‘where did I go wrong’ mode. which takes me to Matthew 25:23

“The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’Matthew 25:23

And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:17

Then more panic- I know it is not true, but I think that God is pleased with me and  loves me more when I am “sane”, so how can He care for this crazy freaked out woman?  I clearly have not been faithful in handling the small stuff. How can I possibly think I can minister to others when I cannot even minister to myself? Why would God give me more responsibilities?  Uggg. The old stories start playing in my head until I am worked up into a full emotional mess.  I hate when that happens.  Sound familiar?  Maybe you have been there too, just don’t go overboard like I tend to do. 

So where do I go wrong?  First remembering who or should I say forgetting who I am.  Through Christ, God has given us all a new identity.  We tend to look to our surroundings, jobs, family, and activities to determine who we are; hoping these things will please others or even God. We are a vulnerable species, we humans, often needing reassurance to feel fore-filled.

But we have power over all these things through Jesus Who loves us so much. 38 For I know that nothing can keep us from the love of God. Death cannot! Life cannot! Angels cannot! Leaders cannot! Any other power cannot! Hard things now or in the future cannot! 39 The world above or the world below cannot! Any other living thing cannot keep us away from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans  8:37-39 NLV

That is my reassurance. I need to get this verse deep into my heart so that it is available when I feel that freaky woman coming out; I have power over her through Jesus who loves me.  I will listen for God to say “You are my daughter whom I love and am pleased.” He loves me  and is pleased with me; not because of my activities and performance, but unconditionally  just as I am, faults and all.  He knows I am a work in progress.  Not because I deserve it, just given freely.